When I coach leaders, we discuss a wide range of topics, such as strengthening relationships, moving from mentoring to coaching, or improving personal productivity. Of all the topics, one stands out as the most prevalent. Nearly every leader I have ever worked with has wanted to improve their ability to delegate effectively.

One challenge is identifying the barriers to delegating. My Delegation 101 post offers several strategies for overcoming these obstacles.

As you overcome your barriers, your next challenge is to communicate your request effectively. Making effective requests goes beyond delegation. We are constantly making requests of others, whether we are delegating a task to an employee or asking our partner to take out the trash.

Today, I’ll share a framework that I use anytime I need to make a high-stakes request of someone else.

Ineffective Requests

Consider some requests you’ve made recently. They could be in the workplace, asking a colleague to perform some task. They could be things you asked your children to do, like cleaning up their room. Or perhaps you’ve made a request to your partner. Do you think you communicated it well?

I find that most people don’t give enough information when they make a request. Here are some reasons this can happen:

• We are rushing to get our request out and move on to the next thing on our to-do list.
• We are sending a text message from our phone and don’t have the patience to type out all the details.
• We leave out the details because we are worried the other person will be offended that we got so specific.
• We think we are doing them a favor by being vague, giving them more flexibility to do it “their way.”

As Brené Brown likes to say, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When we don’t take the time to create clarity, we create a gap in understanding. When the person doesn’t fulfill our request the way we hoped, we’re likely to give negative feedback and express disappointment even though our expectations were never made explicit. This is unkind and unfair to the other person.

The Effective Request Framework

One of the foundational components of ontological coaching is a set of distinctions around our use of language called speech acts, most commonly attributed to J. L. Austin. One such speech act is a request.

You can find this framework detailed in many resources. One excellent resource is The Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman. Here are the components of an effective request:

• Committed Speaker
• Committed Listener
• Conditions of Satisfaction
• Specified Time for Fulfillment
• Context
• Shared Background of Obviousness
• Mood/Emotion

Let’s explore each one in turn.

Committed Speaker (Requestor, Customer)

The person making the request should be committed to the action of making a request. If you are sitting in a meeting and trying to multitask by Slacking a request to someone, you are probably not a committed speaker. Make sure the request has your undivided attention.

Committed Listener (Hearer, Performer)

You want to ensure the person performing the request is also a committed listener. Think of the times you didn’t have the listener’s attention. Perhaps they were staring at their screen, reading an email, and accepting your request without processing the details of what you asked them to do. If you request via email, text message, or Slack, you have no control over whether or not you have a committed listener. If the stakes are low, this may be fine. To delegate a significant task, have the conversation in a setting where you can ensure the listener is committed.

Conditions of Satisfaction

An effective request spells out in sufficient detail the conditions of satisfaction. Many delegation breakdowns occur here. We are pressed for time or think the listener should know what we want, so we don’t provide sufficient details about what we expect. When this happens, and the result doesn’t meet our expectations, we often blame the performer for not reading our minds when we should hold ourselves accountable for our lack of clarity. Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

Brené Brown invites her team to say, “Can you paint what done looks like for me?” This means the conditions of satisfaction are not clear to them and invites Brené to paint a vivid picture of the specifics so they can understand her expectations better.

Specified Time for Fulfillment

This is so easy to do and so often overlooked. Take the extra seconds to spell out precisely when you need the request fulfilled. It will make everyone’s job easier. “I need this by noon Friday,” rather than “Can you send it by the end of the week?”

Context – For the Sake of What?

This is another component that is often left out. We make the request, and we don’t explain why we need it fulfilled. Frequently, we think the performer doesn’t need to know, or it doesn’t occur to us that this might be useful. Knowing why you are making this request will help obtain the performer’s buy-in. It also may allow them to make a counteroffer that better serves their needs.

Often, when I ask, “For the sake of what are you asking me to do this?” I discover they had something entirely different in mind than I assumed from the words of their request.

Shared Background of Obviousness

This component is complex enough that I dedicated an entire blog post to it.

If a detail is obvious to both the speaker and the listener, it falls in the shared background of obviousness and does not need to be included in the request. The challenge is that what is obvious to the speaker may not be obvious to the listener.

If Peter has compiled the TPS report for Bill 100 times and the process has not changed, Bill may just need to ask Peter to compile the TPS report by Friday at 5 PM. If Milton is going to compile the TPS report and has never done it before, Bill’s request to Milton will need to be much more specific because their shared background of obviousness is small.

Mood/Emotion (of the Speaker and the Listener)

Julio Olalla, Founder and President of Newfield Network, loves to say, “The right conversation in the wrong mood is the wrong conversation.” Both the speaker and the listener must be in a mood to have the conversation.

You may have learned this in childhood if you ever wanted something from a parent or caregiver and decided to wait until the time was right: “Dad is in a bad mood today – let’s ask him tomorrow.”

Putting It Into Practice

• Remember, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
• Plan out high-stakes requests using the effective request framework.
• Pay attention to the requests you make of others and the requests they make of you. Identify which components of an effective request are missing.
• Share this framework with others and invite them to seek clarification if any component is missing.

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I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.

If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me.

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