I worked with a new client this week, and we used a values exploration to get to know each other better. I’ve been using this exercise in mentoring and coaching for nearly 30 years, and as I walked through familiar territory, I considered how my values have evolved. Family became Family and Friends and has expanded to Connection. Health has expanded to Wellbeing. Arete evolved into Teliodosis, and I recognize it is poised for another evolution. One value that has held fast and has been unchanged over the years is Integrity.
Unpacking Integrity
When exploring someone’s values, going to a dictionary definition may not be helpful. It’s more important to understand what the value means for the individual. I asked ChatGPT to define integrity for me, and here’s what it came up with:
Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that one adheres to consistently. It involves doing the right thing even when no one is watching and maintaining consistency in one’s values, actions, and words. Integrity is often associated with ethical behavior, trustworthiness, and accountability.
That’s a mash-up of three dictionary definitions (Oxford English, Merriam-Webster, and Cambridge) along with Stephen L. Carter’s definition from his book of the same name and Brene Brown’s definition from Dare to Lead.
That definition aligns pretty well with what the value means to me. One key component is trustworthiness. Using Charles Feltman’s trust framework that includes:
- Sincerity – the things I say to others align with the thoughts in my head – I am sincere.
- Reliability – I am accountable and can be trusted to follow through on my promises.
- Care – I care about your interests. I am not focused only on my self-interests.
Integrity matters regardless of whether or not anyone else is watching. It’s important to me to conduct myself with integrity, whether or not anyone else knows. It’s also important to demonstrate and model integrity in my actions with others.
Integrity includes strong moral principles and ethical behavior. When we live in integrity, we clearly understand right and wrong, and we act in accordance with that understanding consistently.
Integrity in Others
Over the years, I’ve learned that my value of integrity goes beyond how I conduct myself. It shows up in my relationships with others. If you’ve done a values exercise with me, you may have heard me say something like this:
I get along with almost everyone. I can count the number of people I genuinely didn’t get along with on one hand. Well, I’m on the second hand at this age, but it is still a very small number. In every case, when I didn’t get along with someone, they lacked integrity.
I remember two leaders, in particular, who were peers who lied to me directly about something significant. In each instance, I went through the same cycle with them. I sat down one-on-one, called them on their dishonesty, and presented the irrefutable evidence. Caught in their lie, each assured me it wouldn’t happen again.
With each leader, we went through this cycle three times. After the third lie, I felt completely comfortable going to their boss, presenting the facts, and doing my part to ensure these toxic leaders were moved out of the company. I only felt comfortable doing this because I wasn’t telling their boss anything I hadn’t already told them directly on multiple occasions. Both leaders were eventually moved out of the business, and I have no doubt our company was stronger due to the change.
Reflecting on this story, I recognize how fortunate I was to be a senior leader with a personal track record of integrity. I was in a position to influence change when many others in the company were not. At times, I find myself working with a client faced with a similar toxic leader and not being in a position to cause change. Often, in these situations, the client finds themselves changing the one thing within their control – they find a new company with a better culture.
Why This Matters Now
Today, I find myself in a situation not unlike many of my clients. I spoke with a Canadian friend last week and was embarrassed to be an American. We are represented by leaders who are demonstrating a disturbing lack of integrity daily:
- Trustworthiness – they are willing to speak lies despite overwhelming fact-checking evidence exposing their dishonesty.
- Care – they act time again in ways that put their self-interest above ethics and morality, which plays out globally as it demonstrates to allies that we are willing to put America’s self-interest first at the expense of demonstrating care for our fellow countries.
If you, too, question the current administration’s integrity, like me, you find yourself in an unprecedented situation. One does not change citizenship the way one changes companies. Not only is this hard to do, but for most of us (myself included), doing so feels out of alignment with integrity.
Instead, we must each find ways to act with integrity to support the change we want to see. What that looks like will vary for each of us, and I’m not here to tell you how to drive change. I am asking you to reflect on what’s important to you and find a way to contribute that resonates with your authentic style.
I am focusing my energy on supporting those around me. For some that’s being a calming, stabilizing influence amidst chaos. For some, it’s serving as a coach to help navigate these troubled waters. At times, I am a cheerleader for those who have found their voice and are making an impact. I’m also making sure I’m thoughtful about where I spend my money, supporting those companies that demonstrate integrity and withdrawing support for those that do not.
Putting It Into Practice
Spend time reflecting on what actions you can take that feel authentic for you. Let the world know that integrity matters to you.
Walkabout Corner
I’m back in Albuquerque for two weeks. It feels like a break from the walkabout, as New Mexico increasingly feels like home. My next stop is Colorado!
I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.
If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me.
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