In many coaching relationships, 360 feedback raises awareness of a behavior the coachee would like to change. Perhaps they are considered too controlling. Or they want to be more assertive. Or they want to operate at a more strategic level. Some of this feedback can be hard to swallow, especially if it brings new awareness to the coachee. They may simply declare, “That’s just who I am. It’s how I am wired. I cannot change.” However, with the understanding of neuroplasticity, change is not only possible but also a natural part of our brain’s function.
In these situations, coaching plays a crucial role in helping the coachee shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Over the years, the client has built up “wiring” in their brain, shaping how they show up in the world. They may not realize that they can “rewire” their brain, pruning away the learned behaviors that are no longer serving them and building new behaviors that shift their way of being. Neuroscience explains how this works through neuroplasticity, and coaching provides the tools and support for this transformation.
Neuroplasticity Explained
As we learn, our brain forms neural connections. As we reinforce learning, the brain strengthens neural connections. Pathways that don’t get exercised are eventually pruned away.
In the classical understanding of the brain, the belief was this process was generally finished around age 25. By then, our behaviors were “wired in” and difficult to change. If you are familiar with the growth mindset, you may recognize this classical view as its counterpart, the fixed mindset.
Research now shows that neuroplasticity continues throughout our lives. Our brains constantly form new neural connections and prune away old ones. It may take more effort as adults than children, but we still can shift our behavior and “rewire” our brains.
Here is how I explain neuroplasticity: As we learn and grow, our brains build neural connections to capture what they learn. As a particular concept is reinforced, the connection gets reinforced and strengthened. The more we practice something, the stronger the connection, eventually reaching a point where our brain operates on autopilot.
For a simple example, cross your arms. Look down and notice which arm is on top of the other (my right is on top of my left). Now, uncross your arms and cross them with the other arm on top. If you’re like me, this isn’t easy. My brain has built a robust neural pathway to cross my right arm over my left and does it with no conscious thought on my part. It requires conscious thought to cross my arms the other way.
An excellent metaphor for neuroplasticity is how a road evolves. At first, there may be no path connecting two towns. Some brave traveler makes the trip, blazing a trail for the first time. This takes a lot of work.
Over time, others follow that trail. It is still slow going, but each time someone uses the trail, it gets clearer and easier to travel.
Eventually, the trail may become a dirt road, allowing you to drive to the other town. You can get there much faster but must still drive slowly and carefully.
With enough use, it becomes a paved road and, over time, perhaps a six-lane highway.* With each upgrade, the speed limit increases, and the effort to travel between the towns reduces.
Similarly, the more we reinforce a particular behavior, intentionally or unintentionally, the more we strengthen the neural pathways associated with the behavior. The stronger the connection, the more likely the brain chooses that behavior.
Neuroplasticity and The Magic of Coaching
One of the primary techniques we use in ontological coaching is helping our clients generate an ontological shift. This shift in perspective fundamentally alters their way of being, opening up new possible actions. The results are often profound. Early on in my coaching, the techniques felt a bit mystical. I didn’t know why they worked; I just knew they worked.
One classical example was understanding assessments and assertions. Often, I work with clients to separate their assessments (judgments, stories, beliefs) from their assertions (factual statements). Usually, they find that they have a master assessment blocking their progress. This is a story they tell themselves that they believe so firmly that they treat it as if it’s a fact.
For example, many who grew up in the US developed the master assessment “I am not good enough.” Our culture hammers this into our brains in so many ways; eventually, we don’t even realize how the story impacts our way of being.
This is neuroplasticity at work. Over the years, the “I am not good enough” road evolved from a dirt path to a six-lane highway. When a challenge presents itself, we conclude we are not good enough without conscious thought.
The ontological shift is to drag this master assessment into your awareness. Once you know your master assessment, you realize how automatically it shapes your reactions. With that awareness, you start to interrupt the cycle. You begin to pause, observe the reaction, and choose a different action. This is engaging in neuroplasticity. It may take many repetitions to shift your brain to the new default action, but over time you get there.
A Personal Example
My family likes to say that Dad is not a “noticer.” I have a gift for not noticing things. It’s a bit of a game when something new is introduced in the house to see how long it takes Dad to notice it. In some ways, this is truly a gift. My brain has learned over the years to filter out information that isn’t directly relevant to the task at hand, which allows me to be more efficient. The downside is all the beautiful things I miss because my brain isn’t allowing me to see them.
One example is a sweetgum tree planted directly outside my office window many years ago. When we planted it, my wife declared it my tree since it was right outside my office, and I would see it whenever I looked out the window.
After that moment, years went by, and I never noticed the tree again.
A week after starting my coaching education, I decided to meditate outside. As I completed my meditation and looked around our yard, I noticed that tree for the first time in years. It was six feet tall when we planted it; now, it was at least twenty. I was struck by how this tree had grown and how unaware I had been of those years of growth.
I wept. Not a few trickling tears. Fifteen minutes of body-wracking sobs. I had no idea what was happening to me, but in that noticing, I had reconnected to something I had unconsciously blocked off over the years.
This moment began neuroplasticity as I challenged the filters my brain had put in place over the years. It has not been an overnight process. That was nearly three years ago, and I’m still working to slow down, look around, and be more aware of the beauty in nature surrounding me. But each time I do, I prune away the neural pathways that filtered nature out and strengthen the ones that open me up. I am cultivating wonder.
Putting It Into Practice
Consider your current way of being.
- What behaviors would you like to shift?
- What stories do you tell yourself that encourage a fixed mindset?
- Work with a coach to engage neuroplasticity to shift your way of being.
I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.
If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me.
Want to comment? Join the conversation on LinkedIn.
* To my fellow Northern Virginians, I remember driving Route 7 from Tysons to Leesburg in high school when it was a two-lane road with no median. Now, it’s a six-lane divided highway.