I have received many requests for updates on my walkabout. Today, I’ll discuss a few of my experiences to date.
Mom
I have spent the past two weeks visiting my mother and stepfather. While I connect with my mother nearly every week on the phone, this was a much deeper connection, and it was so joyful to be with her.
There have been so many times in my life when she has played the role of proud mother, sharing tales of her son with friends. I’ve found myself playing the role of proud son as of late, especially after spending so much quality time with her.*
I have written before about the joy my mother brings to patients at a local hospital on a weekly basis as Nurse Sparkle. She touches many lives and shares countless stories of people looking forward to her weekly visits.
As it turns out, she also makes an impressive Mrs. Claus:
During my stay, Mrs. Claus’s services were requested twice, and it was inspiring to see her heading out to spread holiday cheer.
Perhaps my favorite moment was this jacket she wore to church last week. It says so much about my mother. She got this jacket for $5 at a thrift shop many years ago. Mom loves thrift shops and a good bargain. The fairies beautifully capture the magic within her, and she wears it with such radiance.
Mom is a raven, spreading light to everyone she meets. From Nurse Sparkle to Mrs. Claus to sprinkling metaphorical fairy dust at church, she brightens days and warms hearts. While visiting Longwood Gardens, my mother and stepfather spontaneously began ballroom dancing in the conservatory. A woman was so moved that she made a video and insisted she send it to us. She has been married for two years and is inspired by the love she sees in this couple married for thirty.
Thank you, Mom, for mending my running gloves, reinforcing the buttons on my jacket, cooking so many delightful home-cooked meals, journeying with me to visit your childhood home, and creating a space of love and support, both for the past few weeks and for my entire life.
As a friend remarked after seeing the various photos of my mother and hearing my stories, “It’s no wonder you are you.” I could not agree more. I am blessed to have such a magical mother.
Hellos and Goodbyes
My first two stops have been staying with friends and family. I did not anticipate the qualitative difference between visiting someone for a few days and staying with them for two weeks.
When you visit for a few days, there isn’t much integration. The typical home patterns shift to accommodate the interruption of house guests. When the guests leave, the home returns to normal.
When a guest is staying longer, there is some degree of integration. I would not want my hosts to disrupt their routines for two weeks. Instead, there is an integration of their regular routines and my own. I’ve considered building an integration checklist for this, as I do love my structure:
- What meals will we share, and which will be on our own?
- Is this a “take your shoes off at the door” home?
- What chores and responsibilities can I do to support the family while I am here?
- Will I adapt my morning routine in any way?
My morning routine has largely remained differentiated and consistent, not adapting to my temporary home. However, on a prior visit to a friend’s house, I traded the morning run for a bike ride with him. The novelty was delightful.
The longer stay also involves immersion in my host’s micro-culture. It’s expansive to adapt to each host’s systems and patterns, opening myself up to whatever their space has to offer.
I previously offered the metaphor of a snow globe being shaken with the snow swirling around. I’m finding that metaphor falls short since the snow globe is a closed space, and eventually, the snow settles down in the same place. A more apt metaphor could be pouring the contents of the snow globe into a new, much larger snow globe with new landing places for the snow. Or possibly even dumping the contents into the ocean…
The other unexpected experience is the sadness of saying goodbye that accompanies a longer, more integrated visit. I’ve said goodbye twice now, and each time, it feels like the next visit will be further in the future than I’d like it to be. I take this as a reminder to be fully present in the current moment rather than dwelling on where I have been or spending too much time thinking about where I’ll be in the future.
One friend has suggested I replace “Goodbye” with “Until we meet again.” I’m still searching for the phrase that resonates, but it is something along those lines.
My Car
I’ve also come to realize how meaningful my relationship with my car is. My car is my constant companion, keeping me safe on the road. I recognize how important it is to take good care of my car. As I sat with this realization, my car shifted from an “it” to a “she.” She would like everyone to know that her name is Beloved. She would also like a tattoo. I have pointed out to her that tattoos are not choices we rush into. We’ve agreed to look for something temporary for now. I’m keeping my eyes out. She pointed out that Turtles and Hawks would be Josh’s tattoos, not Beloved’s. She has also made it clear she doesn’t want to be one of those cars with a tattoo for every place she has visited. I wholeheartedly agree. We will keep you posted.
Putting It Into Practice
- Celebrate the important people in your life, be they parents, partners, children, colleagues or friends.
- Leverage the principles of integration to deepen your close relationships.
- It’s ok to build a relational field with your car – or anything special to you, whether they are sentient or not.
Coaching Corner
If my regular posts end with a brief walkabout update, it seems appropriate to end this one with a short professional update. I’m still working full-time on my walkabout. Last week, I delivered my Neuroscience of Stress Management workshop three times. I wish I could deliver that workshop to everyone – participants have been so grateful to learn the neuroscience behind stress and how it affects our prefrontal cortex. I love the awareness it generates and the techniques to regulate their stress levels better to keep their brain operating at peak performance. Thank you, BEabove Leadership, for crafting such an impactful workshop.
I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.
If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me.
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* A hawk flew by my window as I wrote this. I guess the Universe approves of my decision to write about Mom.