What arises for you when you think of leading with love, whether that’s leading in the workplace or how you live your whole life? I invite you to sit with that question for a moment before you read on.
As I continue to walk this road of life, I find myself embracing love as a way of being on deeper and deeper levels. Perhaps that feels natural and authentic for you, or maybe it is uncomfortable. Today, I’ll explore why I think all of us can benefit from more intentionally leading with love.
My Evolving Relationship With Love
I have found love an intriguing concept, going back to my college days. My philosophy degree led me to ponder the definition of love. I find this particularly challenging in English, where we use one word to represent all aspects of love, whereas many other languages offer a variety of words. Ancient Greek has eros, often translated as romantic love; philia, a deep friendship or affectionate love (philosophia translates to a love of wisdom); and agape, a divine love rooted in compassion and spiritual connection to all things. Those are the most popular, and AI unearthed five additional terms I had not heard before. At college parties, one of my favorite conversation starters was to ask people to define love.
In English, we lump all of those concepts into a single word. Bringing agape or philia to the workplace feels much more appropriate than eros, which conjures images of Coldplay concerts.
I have also always been curious about the meaning of life. It seems evident to me that we are here for a reason, and part of that journey is to continue evolving and growing. I read an assessment once that suggested that people “like me” seek ultimate truths, look for patterns and meaning in life. When I read this, my first thought was “Wait, doesn’t everyone do this?”
This natural inclination has led me in recent years to explore many spiritual teachings. I am not searching for the one right way. The more I learn, the clearer it becomes that these teachings are more common than different, and any of these paths can provide growth and meaning for us. What I find most intriguing is the commonalities.
One of the most prevalent themes I (and countless others) have found is boiling things down to the essence of fear vs. love. Our rational, thinking minds scoff at such a simplification, wanting to expand those constructs into finer details. I find, however, that in shaping my way of being, it’s far more helpful to keep it simple. Am I showing up from a place of fear, or a place of love? Are my interactions with others guided by fear or love?
I want to be guided by love. I want to be the sort of human that emanates a field of love wherever I am – be that in a coaching conversation, talking with a friend, walking through the woods, or sitting in quiet contemplation.
Love Begets Love
I spent October on a mini-Walkabout, visiting friends and family on the East Coast. It is easy to show up from a place of love when surrounded by people with whom you have a loving relationship.
A friend invited me to stay with him for a few days at the beginning of my trip. It was my first time meeting his family. My brief time with them touched my heart.
His ten-year-old daughter left a sweet note on my door welcoming me to their home. The night before I left, she asked, in the open, innocent way that only a child can, “Josh, why is it you are only staying until Tuesday?”
I explained to her that I had a business meeting I had to attend. Her immediate response was “When are you coming back?”
For me, this was a powerful reminder that we are born operating from a place of love, not fear. This child, whom I had barely met, showed such an enormous capacity for love. We are all born this way, and we all have access to this capacity, even if our lives have shifted our way of being to incorporate fear.
I have her note taped to my office door as a constant reminder of the love that lives within all of us.
Leading With Love
How can you lead with love, especially in the workplace, where it may feel taboo?
First, I encourage you to refine your concept of love. Recognize the distinction between love as a spiritual, connected love for all things, the love we share with friends, and the love we have with a romantic partner. You can show up as a loving human being in the workplace authentically and appropriately.
When you think about showing up in a loving way, it will probably give way to fear. When I think back to earlier in my leadership career, showing up with love felt incredibly vulnerable. A natural fear that arises for me is that I’ll be seen as weak. That in being loving, I won’t hold people accountable. That I will tolerate poor performance, because dealing with poor performance would not be loving. That my love would be misinterpreted as romantic love and create an uncomfortable dynamic for someone.
All of these fears are perfectly understandable. And all of them can be worked through to find a healthy balance in how we show up. When we lead with love, we treat everyone with respect. We display empathy. We model a way of being that positively influences everyone around us. The love we are displaying flows back to us and out in a ripple effect through everyone we touch.
One simple yet powerful technique I learned through my coaching education at BEabove Leadership was a coaching invocation. I have established a ritual to recite this coaching invocation out loud before every coaching session. This ritual grounds me in how I want to show up, emanating love, being of service, and supporting my coachee’s learning and growth. As of late, I’ve leaned more deeply into this practice, savoring the words and taking my time so that they really sink in. I find this practice deepens my presence and produces magical coaching.
As I visited my Mom last month, I was deeply moved when she shared how she had adapted the coaching invocation for her own purpose. Every Wednesday, my mom clowns at the local hospital as Nurse Sparkle, bringing joy and healing to patients. And she prepares by reciting her invocation. Every week, she has another story for me where she has touched someone’s soul and brought joy and healing into their day.
I have begun doing similar, albeit simpler, rituals before every interaction (whether it’s with a human, an animal, or a tree). Grounding myself in love and reminding myself to show up with love in my heart. I have done this long enough now that I can see the neuroplasticity at work. It takes less and less effort to show up this way. It’s becoming my natural way of being. I feel like I’m reconnecting with the loving nature I was born with. The nature I saw so readily available to the ten-year-old child.
Putting It Into Practice
Practice leading with love in every interaction. Consider taking 60 seconds before each meeting to pause, center yourself, and remind yourself to show up for this interaction from a place of love.
Recognize when you are coming from a place of fear, and explore what’s behind that fear, so that, over time, you can transmute that fear into love.
I am an executive coach and life coach with software executive roots in higher education and EdTech. I coach because I love to help others accelerate their growth as leaders and humans. I frequently write about #management, #leadership, #coaching, #neuroscience, and #arete.
If you would like to learn more, schedule time with me.
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